My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In other news, I just burned my penis
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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