The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
