Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize