And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
