Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
