Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
