Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sober January is a disaster.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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