I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
