At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
