you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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