Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
