Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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