He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
