she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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