It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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