Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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