textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize