he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
