So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
