but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
