I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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