a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
