how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
