I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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