Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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