omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
