I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
