Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
