And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
