even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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