When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
