i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
