Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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