either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
