Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
