maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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