you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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