remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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