He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
