Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
