Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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