I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
