Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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