Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
