guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
