you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
two words: eviction party
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
