from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
