Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
