I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
