My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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