I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
