Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
