If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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