i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
