Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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