i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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