Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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