i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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