Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I smell stomach acid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
