I think my fart just growled at me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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