I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
