After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize