I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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