Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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