you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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