You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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