i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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