You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
