First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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