Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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