Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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