Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
